Phish: 06.05.11 – Riverbend Music Center, Cincinnati, OH

Phish performing at Riverbend Music Center, Cincinnati, OH

Here are some things you might not have known about Cincinnati: It was founded in 1788, it was ranked as the seventh most romantic city in 2011 by Amazon.com, and all concerts within city limits are policed by a gestapo of 14-year-old girls and 70-year-old women who care entirely too much about their part-time jobs.

My first run-in with these ladies occurred several years ago at a TOOL show at U.S. Bank Arena, where I watched as helpless progressive metal fans were escorted from the building by pre-pubescent Girl Scouts and post-menopausal grandmas alike.  The scene was eerily similar at Riverbend, only this time, the venue’s crack security staff was decked out in yellow-and-black striped shirts to make them look like hornets or something.  Fitting outfits, I suppose, pests as they were.

Their battle plan was pretty obvious from the jump.  The first line of defense was a wall of teenagers just shy of driving age, but old enough to give me and my 30-year-old girlfriend shit for not having our ticket stubs in hand at all times.  Once we got past them, there was another wall 10 rows down… and another… and another.  They were all armed with flashlights, pimple-covered foreheads, and bad attitudes.  So you can imagine how fun the conversations got when we lost one of our ticket stubs after the third trip for overpriced draft beer.

“I need to see your ticket,” one demanded.

“I’ve already showed it to you twice!”

“I need to see it again,” now with a tone of voice that suggested we were in a Toys-R-Us® and I was refusing to buy her a new bicycle.

“Well, I don’t have it.  So now what?”

“I’m not supposed to let you go,” this time with a hint of vulnerability.  I pounced.

“Tell you what.  We’re going to go to the front-row seats we paid for.  If you want to stop us, you’re welcome to try.”

It felt good bullying a teenager.  Besides, I’m not about to take shit from someone who watches iCarly.  As we got closer to the stage, the girls morphed into 70-year-old women — a ghastly portent of things to come for these little darlings, one can only assume.  They were a little less prickly about things like ticket stubs, but were quick to pounce on anyone seen smoking.  As this was a Phish show, they were obviously pretty busy.  And they swarmed like the hornets they were dressed as.  The seated area was on lockdown — you could always feel a pair of eyes on you… young, naive, spoiled, judgmental eyes, or perhaps old, discerning, disapproving, judgmental eyes.  I couldn’t tell you which was worse.

Left to Right: Page McConnell, Trey Anastasio, Mike Gordon, Jon Fishman

Meanwhile, the lawn was in chaos.  Since all the security in the state of Ohio was concentrated squarely on the pavilion, the lawn very quickly became Hamsterdam.  You could quite literally draw a line between the docile, motionless concertgoers and the anarchy going on outside.  Remember that scene in “Field of Dreams” when Moonlight Graham couldn’t step off the field without becoming an old man again?  It was kind of like that, except instead of baseball and a small house in Iowa, it was a Phish concert and a bunch of hippies on LSD with their arms stretched out, mimicking an airplane — the telltale sign of a person who is tripping balls, or perhaps merely a New York Jets fan.

Anyway… enough about the security.  On with the show!

Phish: 06.05.11 - Riverbend Music Center, Cincinnati, OH

The band kicked things off with a decidedly Page-heavy first set, highlighted by a swoon-inducing performance of “Lawn Boy”, which saw McConnell step out from behind the piano and serenade a female audience member in the front row.  Page also nailed the intro to “Bathtub Gin” and was a driving force in a solid rendition of “Taste”, but it was Trey who shined brightest in the very best moment of the first set — a dreamy, four-and-a-half-minute jam to close out “Reba.”

The second set was anything but dreamy; the band brought the thunder.  ”Carini” > “Tweezer” > “Free” to open things up, followed by a ripping cover of Talking Heads’ “Crosseyed and Painless”?  Yes, please!   The second set was capped by a flawlessly executed (and trampoline-enhanced) “You Enjoy Myself”, followed by a “Loving Cup” > “Tweezer Reprise” encore.  After the electric June 3rd show in Michigan, and the previous night in Cuyahoga Falls, Cincinnati caps a three-show Midwest run that rivals some of the band’s greatest tours.

Show Highs:

1. An intimate moment with Page during “Lawn Boy”
2. Mike Gordon switching to a four-string (P bass?) for the solo in “Lawn Boy”
3. Page coming in too early on “Gotta Jibboo”, 0:25
4. The closing jam to “Reba”
5. Pretty much the entire second set

Show Lows:

1. On second thought, closing the second set with literally a whisper instead of a bang was a bit weak (later redeemed by the encore)
2. Security girl with cute ponytail was mean to me

Set List:

I:

1. AC/DC Bag
2. Punch You in the Eye
3. Bathtub Gin
4. Taste
5. Lawn Boy
6. Mound
7. Gotta Jibboo
8. Reba
9. Fee
10. Backwards Down the Number Line

II:

1. Carini
2. Tweezer
3. Free
4. Crosseyed and Painless
5. Light
6. Boogie On Reggae Woman
7. Julius
8. You Enjoy Myself

Encore:

1. Loving Cup
2. Tweezer Reprise

Purchase this show in stunning 24-bit quality directly from Phish.